Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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