I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
