its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
