Small penises have feelings too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
