i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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