Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
