There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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