i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
