Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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