Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
