YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
