It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
