I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
