I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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