on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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