I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
