do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
