Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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