I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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