she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
