5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
