oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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