Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
