I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sarcasm needs its own font
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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