He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
