living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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