There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
