I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
