One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
