Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we're making bets on your personal life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
