we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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