you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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