Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
