If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
