Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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