Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
