So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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