I'm lost and stupid without you.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
