yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
