weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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