They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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