Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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