She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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