so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
