Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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