you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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