I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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