I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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