connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
