I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
