i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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