Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
