I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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