Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
