I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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