dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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