Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
