I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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