I hate all girls vehemently.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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