told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
