I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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