You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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