Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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