I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
