we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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