$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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