I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
