end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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