And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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