That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
