did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
