He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
