eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
